You Are Not Inherently Sinful
Hell is a lie.
I believed, from the time I could understand what words were, that I was sinful and broken. While I was somewhat safe as a child until a certain unknown age, termed the Age of Accountability (CW: Focus on the Family), I didn't accept Jesus into my heart, I believed that this inherent sinfulness, brokeness, dirtiness, this filth would condemn me to spend forever and ever and ever in an eternal fireplace called Hell.
The reason I believed this at 4 and 5 years old is because I was explicitly taught that.
Think about it: At the same time that I was learning from my parents that mommy and daddy loved me, I was also learning from my parents and my Sunday School Teachers that my Father in Heaven saw me as inherently dirty, sinful, and unless I repented of that dirty sin, I would spend forever burning in a giant firepit.
Like what the actual fuck? Why would you convince a young child of that? I mean, I guess if you believe it, sure, but seriously. How traumatizing it must be for kids, including for me when I was that age, to internalize that you are so dirty that you deserve forever and ever burning in a lake of fire? Your emotional, physical, sexual, psychological development, your undeveloped brain just soaking it up like a sponge, complete with the dread and fear that accompanies it.
What four or five year old wouldn't Pray The Prayer, just to feel as basic sense of personal safety and security?
Thank FUCK it's a lie.
It's not true.
You're not inherently dirty.
You're not inherently deserving of eternity in hell.
You are not broken.
You don't need fixing.
God made you to be you.
You don't need to pray any magic words to avoid a lake of fire.
There is no hell, and you are not going there.
And most of all,
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!!!!
If you, like me, were subject to religious trauma at a young age, you know just how difficult it can be to move on from those beliefs, even when you know them to be lies. Go easy on yourself, and cut yourself some slack. If you haven't already seen a therapist, get one. It can be difficult to talk to someone who is not familiar with the various deceptive methods used by mainstream religious organizations, so be sure to ask in advance for the therapist's credentials, and inquire if they are familiar with or have experience dealing with individuals with religious trauma.