A Quick Note on 'Speaking Truth in Love'
Subverting a Homophobic Dogwhistle
Speaking Truth in Love: Subverting a Homophobic Dogwhistle1
A Quick Note Series
If you ever find yourself saying, "We need to speak the truth in love," then the above image might be for you. It is not love to 'speak truth' when you know that speaking that 'truth' will bring harm - any kind of harm - to the person or persons you are speaking about or too.
I remember when I was young and homophobic, I would try to say that tolerance doesn't mean celebrating, and that celebration was what the LGBT+ community actually wanted; toleration was just a slippery slope to celebration. I was right on the second point - the LGBT+ community and its allies believe that human beings should be celebrated for who they are, not for whom some other person thinks they should be.
And that's where the harm I referenced in my first paragraph comes around full circle. When you try to force your way of living on someone else, you are causing them harm.
For what it's worth, I can hear the sputters...
"But they're forcing their way of life on us!! ‘Woke’ is everywhere and they're teaching my 5 year old how to have gay sex!”
No they're not, sweet pea, they're not the ones boycotting Disney, Bud Light, and Target for carrying merchandise with rainbows on it! There might be a Drag Queen Story Hour in your community, but no one is forcing you to attend. Your kid's classroom might have a rainbow sticker on the door, but no one is telling your kid they have to be gay, and no one is talking about the mechanics of sex of any kind to a five year old! On the other hand, plenty of 'loving Christian parents’ actually disown their teenagers and kick them out of the house if they're not perfectly straight.
'Speaking truth in love,' if it's truly done ‘In Love,’ will not cause harm to another individual.
If you're using this phrase, you're also likely to be an evangelical Christian, so let me put it to you this way:
God made each and every one of us as we are, and He celebrates us as we are and for who we are. This is Psalm 139 in action. We know what love is and that it does not harm others (1 Cor 13). If, when you 'speak truth in love' and in doing so you cause harm to someone, then your speaking ceases to be done in love.
June is PRIDE Month. I'm so glad that the were people in my life who actually 'spoke truth in love,' showing me that my beliefs about LGBTQ+ people were wrong and were actively causing harm. I am proud to call a variety of folks from across the rainbow community my closest of friends, family, and loved ones. I disavow any comments I may have ever made about LGBTQ+ people that caused harm, and while I know that I cannot undo the harm, I'm hopeful that my actions over the past few years and into the years to come will put proof to the reality that I have changed.
If you made it this far, and for some reason are in an environment that is not friendly to LGBTQ+ people, please know that I see you and that my inbox is open if you need to chat. I want to be a safe person for all people from the rainbow community including trans and non-binary people.
If you want to see more original, short-form content like this, please let me know by commenting here or by sending me a note at peter (at) peterthurley.ca
Dogwhistle: “In politics, a dog whistle is the use of coded or suggestive language in political messaging to garner support from a particular group without provoking opposition.”